You put me down every time I speak, and then wonder why I am silent.
You see my accomplishments as something that is expected, and my failures as something so unbelievable.
You say doing my best is good enough. You lied. I try my hardest, but to you it doesn't matter unless I'm perfect.
I try my hardest to live up to your expectations, your goals, your dreams, and it has exhausted me.
Working hard for something I don't want is spectacularly awful, yet knowing that if I don't succeed your disappointment will be even worse is difficult.
For once I'd like to have my own expectations, my own goals, my own dreams.
I want to become the person I w
The night I thought I always wanted,
Haunts me in my dreams.
Pitch black and hollow, caved out, full of sorrow,
Is what my life became.
Regret pierces my heart like a thousand tiny daggers,
But those daggers don't break me, the don't change or make me,
They almost make me feel alive.
Alive in a way I haven't felt in years, the type of way that makes you reminisce.
Reminiscing brings the darkest kind of pain, the most horrific and yet the best.
Being dragged along, feeling less than mediocre for so long,
Breaks a person deep inside,
It cuts past the funny things, the happy ones, the kind,
It's main goal just to rid you of the person left-be
After all I've done and all it's caused,
Shouldn't I cry, or laugh at how crazed my thoughts have become?
Sickening terrors, pass me by, I stare, not even batting an eye.
Remember when I said "You're killing me!"?
I was hanging by a thread only you could see.
So tell me why you took that as a sign,
To push me around and make you call me Mine,
Yet, you pushed and you stabbed away my dreams,
Bit by bit, until it was a dream no more,
All I could feel was the faintest shape of a memory,
More like an intangible thought, cascading through, passing by.
I built my walls, only to have you shove them down,
Reminding me what I found,
It was
Words I thought, I'd never say,
Come pouring out my mouth,
Increased by sleepless nights and endless darkness.
Poking through the light, I see a smile,
Emotions form, joining the ever increasing pile.
Biting back the words I should say, they come out backwards anyway.
My tears trace lines across my face, dancing, pushing, hoping to win the race.
If not now, then when?
When to fight, and when to take what is right?
Change it, shape it, form it to you.
Form the words to fit your tired brain, pacing around the room, looking for someone to blame.
But it's not their fault, deep down it always come backs to you.
You, you're flawed, deep down
Why is everything so intense?
I feel it everywhere, pushing, beating, total distress,
I feel things I’ve never felt before, the cold and the wind, all new things to explore.
I forget for a moment, just for a second, that everything is real,
I escape to a place, where others cannot go,
a place all mine.
Maybe it’s not full of what it should be. Worse than reality, the hatred boiling, the tears spilling over.
Everything hurts, when nothing can.
I’m eluded to the fact that I feel nothing because maybe I feel it all.
All of it, but it’s not real, could it be? Few things around you feel real, when all you feel is th
They say I'm right as rain, but nothing about rain is right.
It’s cold and it's dark. It’s everything but light.
But they all say light always prevails. Darkness is trumped by the boldness of light.
What happens when darkness trumps light and everything sways?
When life becomes everything and nothing at all, in a matter of seconds, you lose it all?
When everything slips away and becomes a soft faint whisper of a memory, something you can't see or hear, only feel.
Feel in the deepest part of you.
That feeling, the one that rips you in two, it brings you joy and despair, not a usual pair.
It makes you cry and then laugh aw